Today has been rough.
Plans were foiled, expectations crushed, tempers tested. Although The Enforcer and all the kids had a rare weekday off, nothing seemed to go the way it was supposed to, and I felt simultaneously responsible and frustrated by the sheer force of failure, both actual and perceived.
On top of it all, I’d just been on the verge of tears from the word go without any discernible reason. I started the day with prayer, and breakfast, and even hope for a shower loomed on the horizon. Why all the emotion?
In a rare quiet moment, as I was reading the First Reading for Good Friday of the Lord’s Passion, it struck me – I was somehow feeling the weight of this day, what transpired, and what it meant:
Yet it was our infirmities that he bore,
our sufferings that he endured,
while we thought of him as stricken,
as one smitten by God and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our offenses,
crushed for our sins …
Now, I’m usually a pretty fun-loving, optimistic sort – there is a reason one of my “mottos” is Rejoice. And be free. But on this day, knowing that God Himself died simultaneously because of my sins and for my salvation … I can’t describe it other than to say I was feeling a taste of the very heavy weight of my sin – past, present, future – and it disturbed me.
I mean, I know I’ve come a long way from my hard-partying Augustinian days, but, to my shame, there are still times when I turn away from God. I choose comfort, or pleasure, or ego, or something other than Him, and I sin. Yes – even after all these years striving to walk the straight and narrow, I’m still a sinner in need of grace, redemption, and mercy.
As grace would have it, today begins the Divine Mercy Novena, which culminates on Divine Mercy Sunday next weekend. I sure hope you’ll join me and countless others who are surrendering our brokenness to Him who is Mercy itself. May I never stop believing: +Jesus, I trust in You.
… by his stripes we were healed.